Cats are demons

Yes, I know, there’s loads of people out there who’ll readily tell you that cats are evil, secretly reigning the world, constantly plotting to kill you. The truth is much more interesting.

They’re demons.

It’s true. I have proof. Okay, not exactly proof, more like an eye witness, but that eye witness isn’t the friend of a friend’s brother’s workmate (who, for sure, is in any way incontestable), but myself.

You know how cats always climb into boxes/shopping bags/the kids’ schoolbags/basically anything whether they fit in or not? Well… a while ago, I heard that a circle painted on the floor will do the trick. Yeah, right.

I tried it.

I have two cats, an orange, stripey tom and his little sister, whose coat of fur is best described as something orange and stripey covered in mud. Or possibly chocolate. They’re nice cats, for the most part. Good with kids, good with the dog, I trust them not to eat me in my sleep.

I filched the kids’ water colors and painted a purple circle on the kitchen tiles. Both my nice, trusted cats came running as if dragged by invisible strings, straight towards the circle, like I was performing a summoning spell. So far, so bad.

Next thing they did was, they began to rub at that one tile with their paws, scratching the purple line, as if trying to break the spell by disrupting the circle. It was obvious that they knew what I was doing, that they understood the workings and were attempting to counter my magic. The tom (always the more clever one) quickly realized he was out of his depth and ran away, to hide in his favorite spot (some tupper thingie originally intended to transport cake in, see picture), where he pretended to be asleep. His sister (less clever, or maybe just lazier) continued her scratching and wiping, her movements growing clumsier and more erratic by the second. Eventually, she succumbed, and slowly lay down, in the center of the circle. I had successfully summoned a cat.

What happened then, you ask? Well. I got them both a treat, wiped the circle away and resigned myself to the fact that I’m sheltering two feline demons. It’s fine, really. They’re nice cats, for the most part. Good with kids, good with the dog. And I still trust them not to eat me in my sleep, as long as their bowl gets filled regularly.